The 49ers went one week before Leedsing all their plans

I'm not planning on covering these San Francisco 49ers game by game. Last week's report on their season opening defeat to Chicago's Bearboys was meant to catch up on the off-season and set the storylines for the months ahead. Then we could leave them to iron their grids in peace until something interesting happens.

Here we are just one week later, because their season has taken such a Leedsy twist I can't help but go back to Santa Clara to bring you the 411. Also there's no Association Football being played, so we might as well take a look at ye olde bastard son of rugby.

To recap what you need to know from last week, to make this week make sense: once upon a time the 49ers traded for a quarterback named Jimmy Garappolo. Quarterback is the most important person in an American Football team, because they shout the numbers at the other guys that tell them where to run, then dictate the five seconds of play until the ball either goes in the ending zone for some points or on the floor. Then they stride about looking important for five minutes until the two squads are ready to wrestle again. Since 2017 Jimmy has been great at the latter part, because he has a face so achingly beautiful that making him put a helmet on would be a crime against Aphrodite if it wasn't the only way to ensure he ends each game as crystal jawed and gorgeous as he starts it. The actual throwing the ball and winning Super Bowl parts hasn't gone so well, which is one reason why, before the 2021 season, the 49ers gave away the right to sign about a million good players just to make sure they got Trey Lance, a cool new quarterback nearly a decade younger than handsome Jim.

Since then the Niners have been glared at for having two good quarterbacks, partly through envy, partly through pity. And head coach Kyle Shanahan has tried to tiptoe diplomatically betwixt and between his two choices, while neither amounted to much. After a few tryouts last season, Lance was benched to watch and learn as Garappolo set about screwing the season up, while spectators demanded to know a) why the Levi's Stadium in Santa Clara is so far from San Francisco and points all its seats directly into the sun, and b) why exciting new Trey wasn't getting more ball, in place of doddering old Jim whose looks were no good to the fans while the Californian sun was cooking their eyeballs.

Then, improbably, Garappolo found his mojo, led the 49ers to their divisional championship, and would have got them to the Super Bowl if he hadn't, to summarise, screwed that up. It was a remarkable last stand, followed by Shanahan announcing "We have moved on to Trey" as the starting quarterback, giving him (in teammate Trent Williams' words) "the keys to the organisation", leaving Garappolo free to find somewhere else to throw ball.

Then the twist that set this season up. Garappolo never went further than an adjacent practice field, and despite being left out of the pre-season in-crowd, he was handed a new 49ers contract just as the campaign was about to start. While every Niner tried to portray this as a sensible decision that is kind to everyone — Lance backed Garappolo last year, so this year they switch — everyone without a vested interest swore down this was a bizarre undermining of the new kid's authority, not helped when he made a bunch of mistakes in the Chicago rain, giving the rubbishy old Bears the win and setting gossip a go-go about Garappolo coming back already. The rest of the 49ers roster is a cool, experienced, ready-to-win bunch, and insiders spoke of grumbling that their best chance of winning the galactic title was going to hell thanks to their new child boss.